Nail Biting: February 10 – Entry 1

Nail biting, exactly how much is there to say about it. Obviously a lot if I am going to come up with about 100-150 words on it daily. Maybe this is supposed to help me rationalize why it is something I should not do. However, obviously I already have come to that realization or I would not be to the stage of writing about. 

Is nail biting an everyday event? Yes. Some days I could go all day without even getting a finger close to my mouth for the purpose of nail biting and then consciously I realize I haven’t done and it happens. I look at them, I see small piece of skin, or nail or whatever is growing there that yes absolutely grosses me out and I put that finger in my mouth and fix the obvious to me imperfection that I have spotted or felt. 

Does it stop there? Sometimes yes, and sometimes it just opens the bag of worms (or fingers) and it is on going at any free moment that I can find or find without even knowing it in which to chew away at myself. How morbid is that.  

I tried for a while to enlist my husbands help in stopping this consistent habit. Just a small reminder to stop it. The thing is that for a moment I stop and then sometimes just seconds later I yet again have discovered that they are right back to my mouth. I tried to think of what exactly was running through my mind when this was going on because if I could control my train of thought then I could stop it, right. Well that was a big waste of time either that well I know that I was not ready to really look at why I did it. Therefore, next question for dialogue’s sake is “Iveta why did you continue?” 

Hell, I do not know. However, I do know this. I hate it. I hate the way it looks; I hate what it possibly portrays to those around me. I hate biting my nails. I hate the way it makes them look, feel… (And hate is a strong word; I do not hate much … I dislike a lot.)