Control —

I am definitely by no means a relationship expert, but one thing I have learned is that you can’t change for someone or not do the things that make you feel or be happy with yourself.  

This is a two way street. This does not just apply to women or just men, although I guess you will see it more obviously in women than men.  Often a woman will keep herself thinner, fix herself up more to be appreciated, or the exact opposite and “dumb” herself down. The one thing I have learned with time of course is that if I am not happy with myself then nothing else matters.  It doesn’t matter what other people think, if my husband or best friend say I am beautiful but I “feel” bad or ugly then it does no good.  Yes of course you have that temporary confirmation but that only lasts so long.

So, today my sister asked me if I would not wear makeup if my husband (Jon) didn’t like it. Simply put, “no”. Then I told her that if he had a good argument then that I would consider his opinion but would of course make my own decision. The comment Jon has made is that he doesn’t think that women in general need makeup and that I am pretty without it. Yes he loves me he should love me without makeup, but in all relationships I would have to say it isn’t that unconditional.  I proceeded to tell my sister that I don’t make a habit of wearing it on the weekend but that I often will fix my hair even if we are just lying around. I do it because I chose to do it not because my husband has expectations or could care less. That I would not sacrifice my own self image because of someone else’s opinion. 

I am grateful that at my worst that my husband loves me still and wouldn’t insist that I reflect his image of me, whether that be for me to look more “simple” or to be more “made up”. 

I guess that ultimately when pushed to far that this could be considered some sort of “spousal abuse”. Keep in mind that this is a two way street. Whether you are male or female we should all keep in mind that self-image is more important than what anyone else thinks.

End of rant.